She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
