I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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