puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
