dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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