the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
