I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
