are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
