i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
