I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
