I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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