I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
