The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
