this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
