using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
