we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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