that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
