Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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