Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
