I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
