Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
