I am midnight drunk by noon
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
