all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
