He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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