You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
