i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
