whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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