when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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