guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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