And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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