dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
