i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He kissed a someone with a penis
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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