a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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