I'm so fucking centered right now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
