he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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