"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
