If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
