I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh god it's open bar.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
