Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
