Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
