i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
