wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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