I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
