yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
