Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
