Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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