Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
