I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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you never un-have a 4some
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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