Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
