He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
