At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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