We're facebook friends in real life
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
