Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
