My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
