so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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