Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
