Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
