Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
