At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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