Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
