Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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