shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
