Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
