READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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