either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
