just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
