then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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