You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
