I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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