I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Too much gin, very little bucket
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
