i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
