There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
