I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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