Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
